I had an extra long nap this afternoon which is probably why I'm up at midnight again. It isn't the pregnancy discomfort this time, I just can't get my brain to switch off. I got out of bed and tiptoed through the kitchen to get myself a glass of water, decided to squeeze some lemon in and do some laps around the coffee table while I drank it. I passed the large mirror in the lounge a few times and admired my now large and protruding bump. We're well into the final stretch, the third trimester, and I need to remember to take more pictures of this stage. I really feel like I'll miss this feeling and the way I look now. I don't think I'm particularly glowing, the sleep deprivation has left dark circles under my eyes but even so, I feel an awesome appreciation for what God has designed the female body to be able to do.
Tonight I'm thinking about what I should be doing next. I feel like we've prepared well enough for the baby's arrival and even though there's some uncertainty around the actual d-day (Covid is rampant with SA now 5th in the world in infections), I want to spend the next 2 months doing some of the things that I won't be able to focus on once she gets here. I really have no idea what to expect from having a live human in my care 24/7 so I'm going to just leave myself as freed up as possible to accommodate whatever that entails. I realise that it's probably too late to start reading all those pregnancy books that I downloaded in my first trimester so I'm going to focus the next few weeks on me.
There's so much that I wanted to have achieved before having my first child. I had this fear that she would look at me one day and ask "Mum, what exactly do you do anyway?" and I wouldn't have much of an interesting story to tell. I've dabbled in graphic design, I've made some money as a web designer, I've worked abroad as a digital analyst and learned loads of skills in business and start ups and I think I'm a super-competent worker but most of my skills are in marketing. That doesn't really sum up well what my profession is. I'm not fond of the term entrepreneur since it's now overused and often by unemployed people who are between jobs or by aspirational freelancers. I've been involved in so many different areas of many different businesses because I'm a quick learner and highly capable of executing complicated and analytical tasks but I've never made a fair effort of using those skills in any of my own ventures.
I've always been the supportive and hard working 2nd in charge, I've been a partner in our businesses but never really felt like the boss. Maybe a year or two ago I would have conceded that I really didn't have the business acumen or the experience to be the boss but I feel differently now. I'm now able to confidently hold my own in conversations with seasoned business people and I can add value in terms of strategy and problem solving in a way I haven't been able to before. I've also been reading, learning and developing new skills that have added lots of value to my previous employers and they recognised this at every opportunity before I eventually left to come back to SA. I think this is why I feel a bit regretful that I'm not pursuing anything professionally at the moment. I guess I might feel differently when the baby comes. I might be grateful that I don't have to choose between focussing on her or my work but I also have this nagging feeling that I'm in the prime of my professional life right now and I might miss this window to really make something of my skill set.
So I've decided that even though I require the odd nap now and then and I'm not physically myself, I'm going to attempt to start a business and to establish myself as a professional before the baby comes. Even if I don't manage to have everything set up in time at least I would have made a start before the chaos of new motherhood ensues. I have a feeling all the mums reading this are smirking at my naivety, probably thinking yeah you go ahead and try to start a successful business while you're 7 months pregnant. I hear you but I'm not ready to shut down that part of my life yet, especially when I feel like I'm just getting the hang of it. I know lots of woman juggle work or business and motherhood and it's not that big of a deal, but I expect it is slightly more complicated to try and start something from scratch at this stage. I really believe that in life, all the skills you learn along the way, no matter how scattered and diverse the experience, all prepares you for the right moment. I don't know if this is the moment but I definitely feel prepared. The daunting thing about having a blog and being so candid about events as they happen in real time is that we will be able to look back after some time has passed and see the outcome of these little declarations that I make on here. I still feel it's important to document these parts of the journey though, and I want the kid to know how much she makes me want to keep trying to be a better and more improved version of myself.
Here's to trying something new! Again.
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